Recently, I opened an account with www.Quora.com and after spending a couple of days, I am really getting fascinated with it. It's more about answering queries raised by someone you may or may not know and adding content to the internet! I'm sure you guys know about it, so let me get straight into a recent answer that I posted on a question.
The Question was:
How do I find out if a guy can be a good husband?
Here was my answer to it. Let me know if you liked it, anyways:
No! Don't marry!
Marriages are made in heaven - so, you will get the right one that you deserve. There is nothing to waste time choosing the best one, because there is none!
Marriages are successful, only if you stack up one compromise after another and same does your spouse too. Today, how you see your husband/wife, will change over a period of time - and then you cannot blame anyone, saying that day, during the marriage (or whatever) you looked to be a good husband/wife!
Things change, people change, we change - and what is good to us today, may not be that good tomorrow. We cannot force someone to change the way we want him/her to be.
How would you define goodness? I mean, ask yourself, what would you want from your husband? Would he cook for you? Take you to foreign strands? Take care of your child when you attend kitty parties or come home drunk, humiliate and abuse you? What would you like? If you have a checklist of 'Likes' and 'Dislikes' do you think you will find one falling in both the lists?
No, my friend! Don't marry!
The more you would try to define a frame/boundary around the goodness and want your husband/wife to remain within that, the more will you find him/her bulging out of it.
Marriages are adjustments made day in and out. Rather than framing the boundaries beforehand, define them when you get into the relationship and start learning more about each other. The more you know each other, the better you will be able to set boundaries - and in a few years, if you continue adjusting yourself and fitting into his set boundaries for you, both of you will realize that these boundaries are not needed at all!!
Don't Marry! Don't marry if you have this question in mind that you would marry the guy who can be a good husband. Marry the one with whom you enjoy walking around, watching a cricket match, drinking tea or reading the newspaper and who as much wants to spend time with you. That's all that matters - now, and forever.
If you belong to a middle class Indian family, all the thoughts and dreams and desires that you are building up now, will vanish within a span of couple of years. I am not saying all marriages will break, but if your's does not then you will not find time to even think about it. You'll remain entangled with the duties that the beauties of a relationship will fly out of the window and disappear! Whoooshhh!!!
Life is too tough to worry about the future... Live for the moment and when you are in a relationship, try to adjust and fit yourself into it.
No! Don't marry!
Don't marry if you want to move in to a ready made high class flat in a posh area of the town. Marry, if you look at a empty plot and have the determination of soiling your hands, building your own house, and staying in it, with the one you love, forever and a day!!
All the best, my dear friend :)
The Question was:
How do I find out if a guy can be a good husband?
Here was my answer to it. Let me know if you liked it, anyways:
No! Don't marry!
Marriages are made in heaven - so, you will get the right one that you deserve. There is nothing to waste time choosing the best one, because there is none!
Marriages are successful, only if you stack up one compromise after another and same does your spouse too. Today, how you see your husband/wife, will change over a period of time - and then you cannot blame anyone, saying that day, during the marriage (or whatever) you looked to be a good husband/wife!
Things change, people change, we change - and what is good to us today, may not be that good tomorrow. We cannot force someone to change the way we want him/her to be.
How would you define goodness? I mean, ask yourself, what would you want from your husband? Would he cook for you? Take you to foreign strands? Take care of your child when you attend kitty parties or come home drunk, humiliate and abuse you? What would you like? If you have a checklist of 'Likes' and 'Dislikes' do you think you will find one falling in both the lists?
No, my friend! Don't marry!
The more you would try to define a frame/boundary around the goodness and want your husband/wife to remain within that, the more will you find him/her bulging out of it.
Marriages are adjustments made day in and out. Rather than framing the boundaries beforehand, define them when you get into the relationship and start learning more about each other. The more you know each other, the better you will be able to set boundaries - and in a few years, if you continue adjusting yourself and fitting into his set boundaries for you, both of you will realize that these boundaries are not needed at all!!
Don't Marry! Don't marry if you have this question in mind that you would marry the guy who can be a good husband. Marry the one with whom you enjoy walking around, watching a cricket match, drinking tea or reading the newspaper and who as much wants to spend time with you. That's all that matters - now, and forever.
If you belong to a middle class Indian family, all the thoughts and dreams and desires that you are building up now, will vanish within a span of couple of years. I am not saying all marriages will break, but if your's does not then you will not find time to even think about it. You'll remain entangled with the duties that the beauties of a relationship will fly out of the window and disappear! Whoooshhh!!!
Life is too tough to worry about the future... Live for the moment and when you are in a relationship, try to adjust and fit yourself into it.
No! Don't marry!
Don't marry if you want to move in to a ready made high class flat in a posh area of the town. Marry, if you look at a empty plot and have the determination of soiling your hands, building your own house, and staying in it, with the one you love, forever and a day!!
All the best, my dear friend :)
Check my Blog there, on Quora: Tan's Picks
1 comment:
Wohoo! Came back to read your blog after a long time and was enlightened by this piece. Sir, it's a nice take on the way relationship as beautiful and complicated as marriage turns out to be once you are actually hitched. Will keep that in mind as I take my vows.
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